WhatsApp Collections 5

A Builder got married. On the 1st night of their honeymoon  he says furiously "Tumne mujhe dhoka diya !"

The astounded but smart bride asks "Kaise ?
How have l cheated you?"

The builder shouts "You are  only  145 cm and so thin.  l definitely remember when l met you at the engagement you appeared to be much taller and healthy."

The hi-tech  bride replies "Honey, what you saw and agreed upon was the Super Built up area & what you've got now is the actual Carpet Area...!" 😝😂

Couldn't resist forwarding.😀
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शहीद जवान के बच्चे की कविता दिल छू गई

ओढ़ के तिरंगा क्यों पापा आये है?

माँ मेरा मन बात ये समझ ना पाये है,

ओढ़ के तिरंगे को क्यूँ पापा आये है।

पहले पापा मुन्ना मुन्ना कहते आते थे,

टॉफियाँ खिलोने साथ में भी लाते थे।

गोदी में उठा के खूब खिलखिलाते थे,

हाथ फेर सर पे प्यार भी जताते थे।

पर ना जाने आज क्यूँ वो चुप हो गए,

लगता है की खूब गहरी नींद सो गए।

नींद से पापा उठो मुन्ना बुलाये है,

ओढ़ के तिरंगे को क्यूँ पापा आये है।

फौजी अंकलों की भीड़ घर क्यूँ आई है,

पापा का सामान साथ में क्यूँ लाई है।

साथ में क्यूँ लाई है वो मेडलों के हार ,

आंख में आंसू क्यूँ सबके आते बार बार।

चाचा मामा दादा दादी चीखते है क्यूँ,

माँ मेरी बता वो सर को पीटते है क्यूँ।

गाँव क्यूँ शहीद पापा को बताये है,

ओढ़ के तिरंगे को क्यूँ पापा आये है।

माँ तू क्यों है इतना रोती ये बता मुझे,

होश क्यूँ हर पल है खोती ये बता मुझे।

माथे का सिन्दूर क्यूँ है दादी पोछती,

लाल चूड़ी हाथ में क्यूँ बुआ तोडती।

काले मोतियों की माला क्यूँ उतारी है,

क्या तुझे माँ हो गया समझना भारी है।

माँ तेरा ये रूप मुझे ना सुहाये है,

ओढ़ के तिरंगे को क्यूँ पापा आये है।

पापा कहाँ है जा रहे अब ये बताओ माँ,

चुपचाप से आंसू बहा के यूँ सताओ ना।

क्यूँ उनको सब उठा रहे हाथो को बांधकर,

जय हिन्द बोलते है क्यूँ कन्धों पे लादकर।

दादी खड़ी है क्यूँ भला आँचल को भींचकर,

आंसू क्यूँ बहे जा रहे है आँख मींचकर।

पापा की राह में क्यूँ फूल ये सजाये है,

ओढ़ के तिरंगे को क्यूँ पापा आये है।

क्यूँ लकड़ियों के बीच में पापा लिटाये है,

सब कह रहे है लेने उनको राम आये है।

पापा ये दादा कह रहे तुमको जलाऊँ मैं,

बोलो भला इस आग को कैसे लगाऊं मैं।

इस आग में समा के साथ छोड़ जाओगे,

आँखों में आंसू होंगे बहुत याद आओगे।

अब आया समझ माँ ने क्यूँ आँसू बहाये थे,

ओढ़ के तिरंगा पापा घर क्यूँ आये थे ।
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લગ્ન ગીત -
નદીમાં પડજો , દરિયામાં પડજો , કુવે પડશો સહી ,
સુખ ચેન થી જીવવું હોય તો પ્રેમમાં પડશો નહિ .

જુનાગઢ ચડજો , હિમાલય ચડજો , સુળીએ ચડશો સહી ,
મોજ મસ્તીમાં જીવવું હોય તો વરધોડે ચડશો નહિ .

છાના રડજો , ધુસકે રડજો , માના ખોળે રડશો સહી ,
હળવા ફૂલ થઈ જીવવું હોય તો રૂપાળિયું ના ખભે રડશો નહિ

ગુફા માં જાજો , મોલ માં જાજો  ,પોળમાં જાજો સહી ,
ખુલ્લી હવામાં રહેવું હોય તો , કોઇની ચોથીમાં જાશો નહિ
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રમતો ખુબ કાદવમાં ને
વરસાદ ને ખુબ માણતો,
હવે રેઇનકોટ પહેરવામાં,
બાળપણ ચાલ્યું ગયું

હસી લેતો કોઈપણ વાતે,
ને રડતો પણ ખુલ્લા દિલથી,
હવે, શું કહેશે દુનિયા?
એ વિચારવામાં,બાળપણ ચાલ્યું ગયું

આવડતી ન હતી પ્રાર્થના,
પણ ઈશ્વર-શ્રદ્ધા સાચી હતી,
ભક્તિ સાથે સ્વાર્થ જોડવામાં,
બાળપણ ચાલ્યું ગયું

બનાવ્યા હતા બંગલા માટીના
ખુદના કપડાં બગાડી ને,
ને હવે બધા સામે સારું દેખાવામાં,
બાળપણ ચાલ્યું ગયું

ભલે થવું હતું ત્યારે મોટું,
પણ મોટપ ન હતી ક્યાંય,
હવે બીજા સાથે દેખાદેખી કરવામાં,
બાળપણ ચાલ્યું ગયું

ન હતી ચિંતા કાલની,
ન હતો ભૂતકાળ નો અફસોસ,
બસ ભવિષ્યની ચિંતા કરવામાં
બાળપણ ચાલ્યું ગયું

નિખાલસતા તો ગઈ ને
સાથે ભોળપણ પણ ચાલ્યું ગયું
બસ આમ સમજદાર થવામાં
બાળપણ ચાલ્યું ગયું
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United States Air Force has a high security, super secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"...
One afternoon, a Cessna Aircraft landed at this secret base.
The aircraft was immediately impounded and the pilot was interrogated. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel.
The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot was lost and wasn't a spy.
They refueled his aircraft; threatened him that if he lands again he would spend the rest of his life in prison and let him go.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force personnel, the same aircraft landed there again.
Once again they surrounded the plane; only this time there were two people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said: "Do anything you want to, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her, where the hell I was last night!"
WOMEN...!!!💃😜😜
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अध्यापक : बच्चों रामचंद्र ने समुन्द्र पर पुल बनाने का निर्णय
लिया ।
पप्पू : सर मैं कुछ कहना चाहता हूँ ।
अध्यापक : कहो बेटा ।
पप्पू : रामचन्द्र का पुल बनाने का निर्णय गलत था ।
अध्यापक : कैसे ?
पप्पू : सर उनके पास हनुमान थे जो उड़कर लंका जा सकते थे ।
तो उनको पुल बनाने की कोई जरुरत ही
नही थी ।
अध्यापक : हनुमान ही तो उड़ना जानते थे बाकि
रीछ और वानर तो नही उड़ते थे ।
पप्पू : सर वो हनुमान की पीठ पर बैठकर
जा सकते थे । जब हनुमान पूरा पहाड़ उठाकर ले जा सकते थे तो
वानर सेना को भी तो उठाकर ले जा सकते थे ।
अध्यापक : भगवान की लीला पर सवाल
नही उठाया करते ।
पप्पू : वैसे सर एक उपाय और था ।
अध्यापक : क्या ?
पप्पू : सर हनुमान अपने आकार को कितना भी छोटा
बड़ा कर सकते थे जैसे सुरसा के मुँह से निकलने के लिए छोटे हो
गए थे और सूर्य को मुँह में देते समय सूर्य से बड़े तो वो अपने
आकार को भी तो समुन्द्र की चौड़ाई से बड़ा
कर सकते थे और समुन्द्र के ऊपर लेट जाते । सारे बंदर हनुमान
जी की पीठ से गुजरकर लंका
पहुँच जाते और रामचंद्र को भी समुन्द्र
की अनुनय विनय करने की जरुरत
नही पड़ती । वैसे सर एक बात और
पूछूँ ?
अध्यापक : पूछो ।
पप्पू : सर सुना है । समुन्द्र पर पुल बनाते समय वानरों ने पत्थर
पर राम राम लिखा था जिससे पत्थर पानी पर तैरने लगे
थे ।
अध्यापक : हाँ तो ये सही है ।
पप्पू :सवाल ये है बन्दर भालुओं को पढ़ना लिखना किसने सिखाया
था ?
अध्यापक : हरामखोर बंद कर अपनी बकवास और
मुर्गा बन जा ।😰🐓😱😱😜
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What Happens When There is a Nuclear War Situation  Between India and Pakistan (Hilarious Article 😂😂)

May look crazy... Not very far from truth...

The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India.

They don't need any permission from their government, and promptly order the countdown.

Indian technology is highly advanced. In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak Countdown and decides to launch a missile in retaliation.

But they need permission from the Government of India.

They submit their request to the Indian President, the Supreme Commander.

The President forwards it to the Cabinet.

The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session.

The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it gets adjourned and adjourned indefinitely.

The President asks for a quick decision.

In the mean time, the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure. Their attempts for a relaunch are still on.

Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it.

The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.

As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a Caretaker Government is installed.

The caretaker PM decides to permits the Armed Forces to launch a nuclear missile.

But the Election Commission says that a Caretaker Government can not take such a decision because elections are at hand.

A PIL is filed in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power by the EC.

The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is authorised to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the nation.

Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367 miles away from the target, on its own government building at 11.00AM.

Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that early.

In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight.

The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and USA.

The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting. This time all the parties agree.

It is 3 months since the army had sought permission.

But as preparations begin, "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear" activists come out against the Government's decision.

Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organised.

In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning the Government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".

On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan.

Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.

A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service. Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, it hits its original destination: Russia.

Russia successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad. The missile hits the target and creates havoc.

Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and

sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.

Thus India never gets to launch the missile.

Pakistan never gets it right.

And......we live happily happily ever after.

😆😆😅😅😂😂😜😜😃😃
You may read this as big joke. But whatever is written for India is fact.
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